The Brainwashing that is Parental Alienation: How can this happen?

This is a question that all of us as alienated family members wonder on a daily basis. This also applies to grandchildren as well as we know. We have never had a call that focused strictly on this question and topic and it should be an excellent call. Please make plans to join us.   6 March at 20:00 in EST
On Sunday, March 6th at 8 PM EST, Dr. J. Michael Bone will be our guest speaker. J Michael Bone, PhD is a clinical, consulting and forensic Psychologist with a speciality and attorneys.devoted to Parental Alienation for the last thirty years. He is a former member of the Scientific and Professional Advisory Board of the Parental Alienation Research Foundation in Washington DC. He worked directly with Richard Gardner, MD in numerous cases, and has performed evaluations and expert testimony in Family Court through out the United States, as well as training for mental health professionals and attorneys. In 2006, he modified his practice to be exclusively devoted to the problem of Parental Alienation in a consultative capacity. He has lectured on the subject internationally, and is published in peer reviewed journals, and has served as Special Topics Editor of the American Journal of Family Therapy. Dr. Bone is located in Winter Park, Florida, but works in cases all over the country.

We are fortunate to have monthly these international support conference calls monthly complimentary of these top experts in their field. We are now able to allow other countries besides the US , excluding Canada, to call in on a local numberer their country. Canada may call in on the US number. We also Skype these calls.

All callers are allowed one question for Dr. Bone if you wish and the questions must be submitted no later than Tuesday, March 1st. New callers must be registered no later than Saturday, March 5th. Regular callers have until 6 PM EST on Sunday, March 6th to register. THESE ARE FIRM DEADLINES!!

The only way to register for this call and to send in your question for Dr. Bone is to email

Please make this call a priority. There will be no replays for this call. Please share this post. Thank you.  


Enforcing Visitation When Denied Court-Ordered Parenting Time


Although strides have been made toward making equal custody the default standard, it has yet to catch on in the majority of states. Until then, many perfectly fit and loving fathers are going to be regulated to default visitation schedules that typically fall into the ballpark of every other weekend plus one evening per week.

It is already problematic enough to maintain a strong relationship with your children when you are limited to such a relatively small amount of visitation, and this becomes even more complicated when you have a… difficult… ex who doesn’t seem to think your days are important.

When your ex denies you visitation on your court-ordered schedule, it can be an incredibly frustrating experience — particularly if it becomes a pattern. You may be left feeling hopeless and wonder exactly what you can do.

Many non-custodial parents simply give up at this point; however, that is not the solution.

You need to continue to fight for whatever rights the court granted to you through all legal channels that are available. You also need to avoid making common mistakes that could wind you up in trouble.

Document any missed visitation

Maintain a calendar of any time you were denied visitation, no matter the reason. Also keep copies of any correspondence with your ex, which means keeping things civil on your end. Any texts, emails or letters should be kept professional and on topic.

This will help you build a case if you end up in court seeking enforcement of your order, and helps prove that you made every attempt to exercise your visitation rights.

Solve the issue as adults

Ideally, if you and your spouse are committed to your children and effective co-parenting, you will be able to resolve any minor issues before they escalate. Before going to higher authorities, attempt to remedy the issue at the lowest possible rung — between you and your ex.

When there is occasional confusion or conflicting schedules, try to set up additional days to make up for any lost time. This is the most effective method for cutting down on future tension, even though it may be extremely frustrating at the time.

Co-parenting does take flexibility, and if there hasn’t been a history of problems or there is a potential legitimate excuse, at least try to work things out amicably before jumping to the next level.

Have your attorney send a strongly-worded letter

If your ex will not cooperate in making up missed visitation, having your family law attorney send an official letter is often enough to get them to knock off the impetuous behavior.

Make it clear that you are willing to resolve the issue outside of the courtroom and avoid that extra headache, but any denial of the court-ordered visitation must cease immediately and any missed days must be made up.

This shows that you aren’t going to be bullied and have your rights pushed aside, and also proves  that a good-faith attempt was made to resolve the issue without court interference if you eventually have to pursue enforcement.

Police may be able to help

Parenting time orders issued by the court are technically enforceable by local police; however, many departments are hesitant to get involved with civil issues unless there is a potential of criminal action.

If they are willing to help, it will likely come in form of either calling the opposing party and urging them to comply with the court order, or by escorting you to pick your children up from the prescribed location.

Note that in all likelihood, the police will tell you to take the issue up with the court.

Utilize the courts

If you are unable to resolve the issue of your ex denying your parenting time through any other means, you can raise the issue before a judge. This process is a little more extensive, though if you are in the right and your ex is in the wrong, it can be a very effective method for permanently fixing the problem.

Through filing a Motion to Enforce, you are able to ask the court to intervene and require your ex to comply with the order. It is also possible to have the court issue make-up days for any time missed, as well as order the cost of court and attorney fees to your ex if they are found to be guilty of willfully disobeying the visitation schedule.

This is why documentation is crucial to build your case. If you are able to show when the order was ignored, any excuses given by your ex and your repeated attempts to resolve the problem before presenting it to court, you will have a good chance to successfully convince the judge to take action.

It is important to contact an experienced family law attorney before moving forward with this step. They will be able to advise the best course of action, and could possibly recommend contempt charges or a modification of custody if there is a pattern of non-compliance or severe breach of the order.

Every attempt should be made to keep things between you and your ex as cordial as possible for the sake of the kids, so only resort to the courts after you have exhausted every other available option.

Do NOT stop paying child support

Many men feel that if they are being denied the right to their scheduled visitation, then they shouldn’t have to pay their court-ordered child support. Unfortunately, windmills do not work that way.

Just because your rights are being infringed when your ex ignores a court order does not give you the right to return the favor. You must continue to follow the child support obligation while you attempt to resolve the issues with visitation, and failure to do so can result in serious consequences.

Arrearages can build up, your accusations of contempt against your ex can be thrown right back at you and there is even a possibility of fines or jail time for willful non-payment. It may not be fair, but you must take the high road to succeed in convincing the courts that you are in the right.

Judges have very little tolerance for refusing to pay child support, and without an order stating the obligation has changed, you must follow what is written in your decree.

Do NOT take matters into your own hands

Simply taking the children for any period of time beyond what is prescribed by your court order can have even more serious ramifications. Despite the fact that you may feel you are “owed” extra time due to your spouse’s refusal to let you exercise your visitation, it can be considered parental kidnapping.

You risk arrest and your spouse can make a very strong case to have your visitation modified to require supervision or your amount of time reduced if they decide to call the police and file a motion with the courts.

While many of these options clearly do not offer instantaneous results, it is always in your best interests to work within the bounds of the law.

If you are not able to resolve visitation disputes amicably, it may be necessary to contact a skilled family law attorney to help you determine the best course of action so that you are always able to see your children in the limited time allotted by the court.



Why Should Simon Be Prosecuted For A Government Failure?

Newcastle dad pleads not guilty to aggravated trespass after 11-day Tyne Bridge protest ~ Simon Anderton entered the plea when he appeared in the dock at Newcastle Magistrates’ Court on Wednesday.

Davey Says; How can he be guilty when it is The Government’s own failure or more over the Ministry of Justice who Trespass into the fathers domain and extract him from his families lives! 

Fathers for Justice protestor Simon Anderton, on the Tyne Bridge in Newcastle

Tyne Bridge protester Simon Anderton

A dad who staged an 11-day protest on top of the Tyne Bridge has denied he did anything illegal.

Real Fathers for Justice campaigner Simon Anderton scaled the iconic Newcastle landscape on Father’s Day on June 21 this year. He then hung-up a 25ft purple banner reading “happy fatherless day” as he claimed he was fighting for the plight of dads deprived by family courts from having a loving relationship with their sons.

The grandfather and dad-of-five spent 11 days on the bridge before climbing down on July 2.

He later handed himself in to the police and posted a spoof review of his stay in the “penthouse suite” on Trip Advisor

As we previously reported, Anderton was later charged by Northumbria Police, under the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act, with aggravated trespass.

At a hearing at Newcastle Magistrates’ Court on Wednesday, the 56-year-old, of Meldon Terrace, Heaton, denied the offence.

When the charge was put to him, he replied: “Obviously, not guilty”. 

Anderton was initially facing a charge which alleged he “intended to have the effect of intimidating those persons or any of them so as to deter them or any of them from engaging in that activity”.

But, that was changed during the hearing to one that read he allegedly “intended to have the effect of disrupting a person’s activities”.

David Parish, mitigating, said it had been a lawful protest.

He said: “It’s a not guilty plea because he had no intention to cause disruption – he denies intending to cause disruption.

“We also have a query as to whether the Tyne Bridge falls under the act.”

Rebecca Laverick, prosecuting, made no representations.

The court heard four witnesses and Anderton will give evidence at his trial.

He will next appear for that trial on March 10. He was released on bail until that occasion.

This Injustice is not Unique to The UK We Need To Stand With SIMON, CLIFFORD and ALL Parents faced with Family Court Injustice

Fathers' for Justice campaigner climbs the Tyne Bridge to unfurl a banner on Father's Day

Family courts must ‘let the sunlight in’ to avoid outrageous injustices!

Douglas Carswell said: “There is a scandal at the moment. Secrecy within the UK’s system of family courts is allowing social workers to ride roughshod over ordinary people and resulting in the unnecessary breakup of families and forced adoptions.

“We feel very strongly that the secrecy in the family courts is leading to some outrageous injustices. It’s the big cartel courts and the legal profession and the social workers riding roughshod against ordinary people. We think common sense is needed to address this that means greater sensitivity and more openness in the family courts which this timely paper advocates.” pru_cover_Family_Courts.jpg

UKIP’s 2015 General Election Manifesto pledged to bring forward a full and open review of childcare and child protection services in Britain, with a view to initiating wholesale reform of a system that’s clearly failing. In particular, we singled out the need to investigate rising levels of ‘forced’ adoptions and the outrageous injustices that it entails. It’s this pledge that we’re fulfilling with the launch ofOpening Up the Family Courts.

The paper, the first to be published by the UKIP Parliamentary Resource Unit (UKIP PRU), was launched at a cross party event in the House of Commons. Speaking at the launch were UKIP MP Douglas Carswell, the former Liberal Democrat MP John Hemmings who has been a powerful advocate for greater transparency in the family courts as Chairman of Justice for Families and Suzanne Evans, UKIP Deputy Chairman. Amongst others, Sharon Hodgson, the Labour Shadow Children’s Minister for adoption and fostering attended the event as did the Conservative MP Lucy Allan.

Douglas Carswell said: “There is a scandal at the moment. Secrecy within the UK’s system of family courts is allowing social workers to ride roughshod over ordinary people and resulting in the unnecessary breakup of families and forced adoptions.

“We feel very strongly that the secrecy in the family courts is leading to some outrageous injustices. It’s the big cartel courts and the legal profession and the social workers riding roughshod against ordinary people. We think common sense is needed to address this that means greater sensitivity and more openness in the family courts which this timely paper advocates.”

UKIP Chairman Steve Crowther: I am pleased to see the launch of this first discussion paper from the UKIP Parliamentary Resource Unit. These papers will stimulate debate on important policy areas which are being overlooked by our legislators at present. Forced adoption and the operation of the family courts are prime examples of issues where the rights of the individual are at risk from secretive, self-referencing ‘authorities’, and so are prime UKIP territory.”

To combat failures in the adoption process the paper proposes several measures, and you can read the detail in the paper here. In brief the proposals include:

* Remove the current blanket ban on media reporting of placement and adoption proceedings, and allow the media to report on these cases and to access expert reports on the same basis as other family law proceedings;

* Require reporting of court proceedings on an anonymised basis for family members, and mandate publication for all case summaries, skeleton arguments, judgements and other documents as a matter of course;

* Require expert witnesses to list previous court cases in which they’ve given evidence;

* And promote more extensive use of Special Guardianship Orders so that a child can be made a ward of an extended family member, such as a grandparent, and thereby retain a relationship with their birth family. These orders are used relatively infrequently at present, and we believe there’s scope for them to be used more widely. MORE 

Investigate CAFCASS and Social Service’s ~ MORE SUPPORT NEEDED!

Cafcass are destroying families in the UK with false reports, allegations of child abuse by parents and forced adoption. They are receiving financial incentives to take children into care. Cafcass have NO legal training, NO medical training and have been given too much power within family law court’s. Children, parents, grandparents and other family members are losing their children. It is heart breaking.

THIS MUST STOP NOW!    01sign                                                                                                                                       PETITION

We are asking/ demanding that the PM investigates Cafcass and Social Service’s and take action to STOP this abuse of power and more importantly the abuse of children and parent’s alike.

We all need to stand together to fight this legal child abuse. It is also against our Human Rights and the Rights of our children to be kept away from our children.




David silvester

Bristol, United Kingdom

28 Oct 2015 — Many people are going through a living hell, why? Because the family court system is corupt. Cafcass have too much power. Social Workers are too scared to make a mistake like they did with Baby P.
They are abusing their power, but worse of all they are systematically abusing children..
Recently I was talking to a lady who is facing losing her children, she messaged me and told me she had taken an overdose. I phoned her and she sounded dreadful so I hung up and called 999 for an ambulance. She did it because she is heartbroken. She messaged me and told me I saved her life. I did nothing more than anyone else would of done. I believe there are many more people who feel like ending their lives because they feel they have nothing to live for because their children have been stolen by a corupt system.
I’ve not seen my little girl for 3 years because of cafcass and false reporting disability discrimination and poor legal representation, solicitors don’t put the effort in when they are paid by legal aid.

Please spread the word and get this petition out there to get more signatures for the sake of children in care and those facing being stolen from their parents.
If you have twitter please share on there. Any other social media you use please spread the word there for our children’s sake.

Thank you all

Doug Seddon01sign

We need more john hemmings                                                                                 Petition
Unlike · Reply · 2 · 4 hrs
Colin G Price ·

Well put. The case should be not so much Fathers against Mothers or vice versa but about the wellfare. happiness of the children. Ways should also be sought to speed the system up to prevent too much harmful effects the whole thing has on the children. I also believe that in todays society there is too much emphasis from Government and the schools and TV etc on sex and jumping into bed at a very early age which can cause children to be born, if not aborted, to parents who just arnt mature enough or ready for parenting. The whole issue needs to be thoroughly looked at from all angles.
Reply · 3 hrs
Sarahanne Banks Bournes ·

Reply · 1 · 12 hrs
Keith Brettwood ·

hope you have some happy light at the end of your tunnel David. we know what youre going through and it certainly is a kind of hell on earth that most of the public know nothing about and have no idea that it goes on. i often compare what its like to be in this to the Film Hot Fuzz. Almost everywhere you turn for help people just smile and act as though theres nothing to what youre saying as if to suggest its all in your mind.So frustrating when you know its true.


  1. 11 hours ago
    Petition update

    Many people are going through a living hell, why? Because the family court system is corupt. Cafcass have too much power. Social Workers are too scared to make a mistake like they did with Baby P. They are abusing their…
  2. 3 months ago
    5,000 supporters
  3. 4 months ago
    Petition update

    Hi everyone. Signatures have slowed a bit. I’ve taken my foot of the gas a bit. Been dealing with my own case and also got rear ended in my car so been in a bit of discomfort with my neck and physio. Please keep sharing and tell…
  4. 4 months ago
    Petition update

    4999 signatures now, a massive thank you to each and everyone of you. Please Please Please keep sharing and telling people about it, the country is seeing more and more crimes against our children and their lieing child…
  5. 5 months ago
    4,000 supporters
  6. 5 months ago
    Petition update

    What a day yesterday was for our cause and getting to Downing Street to give Cameron a run for his money. The day started at 3600 supporters having just looked for the first time today we got 3,723 supporters!! 123…
  7. 5 months ago
    Petition update

    Come on my friends we are doing OK with numbers but what I’d like to know is why are there other petitions that have hundreds of thousands of signatures for some utter nonsense that has absolutely NOTHING to do…
  8. 5 months ago
    3,000 supporters
  9. 7 months ago
    Petition update

    Great to see the numbers going up and up. I appreciate every single one of you absolute legends who’ve signed OUR petition and shared it too. Thank you very much David
  10. 7 months ago
    1,500 supporters
  11. 7 months ago
    Petition update

    I can not thank you all enough. We’ve had 1066 signatures as of 14:30 today. This means we can hit Downing Street with OUR petition (this isn’t mine it’s OURS) and get the PM to look into the Cafcass shame and the amount of…
  12. 7 months ago
    1,000 supporters
  13. 8 months ago
    Petition update

    Had a fantastic response so far. Over 200 signatures in two days. Please pass the link to this petition to any and everyone you know. They may not have been affected by cafcass themselves but to sit and blindly let it…
  14. 8 months ago
    200 supporters
  15. 8 months ago
    David silvester started this petition

Film~maker Al Greeze Exposes Unfair Family Courts

Film-maker Al Greeze’s new documentary, “Frustrated 2: Mama’s Baby, Daddy’s Maybe,” exposes many of the injustices fathers face in family courts. MORE

Evidence inadmissible because it is the primary product of an unlawful act or because it was obtained by the exploitation of an unlawful act:

18 U.S. Code § 3504 – Litigation concerning sources of evidence
(a) In any trial, hearing, or other proceeding in or before any court, grand jury, department, officer, agency, regulatory body, or other authority of the United States—
(1) upon a claim by a party aggrieved that evidence is inadmissible because it is the primary product of an unlawful act or because it was obtained by the exploitation of an unlawful act, the opponent of the claim shall affirm or deny the occurrence of the alleged unlawful act;
(2) disclosure of information for a determination if evidence is inadmissible because it is the primary product of an unlawful act occurring prior to June 19, 1968, or because it was obtained by the exploitation of an unlawful act occurring prior to June 19, 1968, shall not be required unless such information may be relevant to a pending claim of such inadmissibility; and
(3) no claim shall be considered that evidence of an event is inadmissible on the ground that such evidence was obtained by the exploitation of an unlawful act occurring prior to June 19, 1968, if such event occurred more than five years after such allegedly unlawful act.
(b) As used in this section “unlawful act” means any act the use of any electronic, mechanical, or other device (as defined in section 2510 (5) of this title) in violation of the Constitution or laws of the United States or any regulation or standard promulgated pursuant thereto.

2 comments10403121_835942029799859_2612468037682536976_n

Elias Lou Abusaid
Elias Lou Abusaid

  • The above mentioned code is for criminal cases only… law is in the civil arena…..with its own set of rules, that should run parallel to the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure……
 Childrens Rights Florida
Childrens Rights Florida

  • Thanks for your comment. However…if a parent in Family Court uses a false “police” report that details an incident of “alleged” domestic violence that never happen then IT IS APPLICABLE. If a parent in Family Court is ordered to a Psych Eval and the Court Appointed Psychologist (acting only in a forensic capacity) reports to the Family Court Judge information obtained from the parent’s psychiatrist/psychologist’s (diagnosis – assuming there is one) AND the Psychiatrist is later charged…
Childrens Rights Florida
Childrens Rights Florida

  • You probably want to know – The Financial Implications of ‪#‎Divorce‬‪#‎DivorceForce

Family courts must open up to avoid ‘outrageous injustices’, warns Ukip.

MP Douglas Carswell launches Ukip policy calling for greater sensitivity in legal process to avoid breakup of families and forced adoptions

 Douglas Carswell
Douglas Carswell: ‘Once the legal process starts it is like a juggernaut and it breaks up families.’ Photograph: Ian Forsyth/Getty Images

Secrecy within the UK’s system of family courts is allowing social workers to “ride roughshod” over ordinary people and resulting in the unnecessary breakup of families and forced adoptions, the Ukip MP Douglas Carswell has warned.

Outlining a Ukip policy paper on opening up the family courts, the Clacton MP said a “juggernaut” of legal process currently leads to “outrageous injustices” and is calling for greater sensitivity and openness in the courts system.

Carswell said: “There is a scandal at the moment. Once the legal process starts it is like a juggernaut and it breaks up families. Most of the time that is justified but some of the time it is not.”

Carswell, who is keen to broaden Ukip’s policies beyond its opposition to Britain’s membership of the EU, was speaking as the party published a policy document recommending a series of reforms to open up the family courts. The paper, written by Carswell and Duncan Simpson, the deputy director of Ukip’s parliamentary research unit, calls for:

  • More use of special guardianship orders to allow grandparents to take over the care of a child.
  • The opening up of placement and adoption order proceedings to the media on the same basis as other family law proceedings.
  • A requirement that all judgments be published, except where the presiding judge seeks and obtains a contrary order from the president of the high court family division.
  • The media to be allowed access to expert reports on an anonymised basis with restrictions enforced only in the most exceptional cases.
  • CLOSED COURTROOMS only protect bad judges and bad lawyers, said US Judge Judy in IrelandJudgeJudyshow sign.png

Carswell said: “We feel very strongly that the secrecy in the family courts is leading to some outrageous injustices. It’s the big cartel courts and the legal profession and the social workers riding roughshod against ordinary people. We think common sense is needed to address this. That means more openness in the family courts.”

Ukip’s only MP suggested that his reforms would have prevented the heartache suffered by Karissa Cox and Peter Butler, who lost custody of their child after being wrongly accused of abuse. The child was put up for adoption after the couple took their baby to hospital after the six-week-old started bleeding from its mouth. Staff at the hospital noticed bruising on the baby, prompting the authorities to take the child into care and to charge the parents with child cruelty.

The parents were cleared this month, by which time the child had been adopted. “If our reforms had been in place that case could not have happened,” Carswell said.

The Ukip MP said he accepted that in many disputed cases children need to be taken into care or adopted against the wishes of the parents. “I am not saying it is wrong for the state to forcefully break up a family. There are times when it has to do that.

“But at least the evidence should be tested in an open court. At least there should be some opportunity for people to know what it is they are being accused of … and at least the people who are preparing the evidence ought to have met the people they are giving evidence about.”

Carswell, who has a strained relationship with the Ukip leader, Nigel Farage, said the policy paper showed how he was broadening the party’s interests. The MP launched the policy document with his party ally Suzanne Evans and the formerLiberal Democrat MP John Hemming, who has campaigned on adoption issues.

Carswell said: “People might say: ‘Hang on, Ukip doesn’t normally spend a lot of time talking about adoptions and the family courts. Well, actually … I can’t think of another example where the big powerful system is ignoring ordinary people to such an extent. This is exactly the sort of area Ukip should make a priority.”


I have a right to protest ~ What happened after my ex husband and I………..

……………protesting is not a risk to my children and is not a protection concern by: Nicole Pokno

 I have a right to protest protesting is not a risk to my children and is not a protection concern by: Nicole Pokno

This message is to notify you of an update on a specific brainsyntax posting you are following or the author invited you.The author or a subscriber to this page would like you to access or be aweare of the new content:

I am a mother of four sons and the Children’s Aid Society of Algoma apprehended my children on July 11, 2014 under false allegations, to this day (October 23 2015) they continue to commit perjury to the courts, also I have done everything CAS has wanted and much more for 469 days now and still to this day CAS refuses to give me my kids back, they even made me leave my boys father (fiance of over 12yrs) and said I would get my boys back if I did but they lied. Even though I requested in writing what exactly I have to do to get my kids back my worker refuses to put it in writing for over a month now.

I started protesting on September first here in Sault Ste Marie, On and my worker has told me she/CAS was looking at returning my youngest two boys this month but now that I went public they aren’t returning my boys to my care. I have a right to protest and freedom of speech and protesting is not a risk to my children and is not a protection concern. CAS is trying to label me with mental health issues, when my doctor states I am mentally stable and I have never had a diagnoses, I also never had any symptoms for my doctor to refer me to be assessed either.

CAS abuses their power and they do not help children they traumatize them by taking them from their loving parents and they destroy families by using false allegations to remove children and separate the parents. The Children’s Aid Society needs to be regulated and held accountable for their actions. Children’s Aid abuses good families whose children are very well taken care of, happy, and healthy but for the families who need CAS intervention they leave the kids in the home or if they do apprehend they return the children back to the homes where they are neglected and abused, almost immediately. They do not want neglected and abused children, they want happy, healthy children like mine who listen, respect and submit to CAS and the foster parents. The Children’s Aid Society does not have the best interest of the children when it comes to apprehension, they only care about keep the children in foster care as long as possible all for profit, meanwhile the children are traumatized being separated from their parents. Children’s Aid needs oversights ASAP!

Sault Ste. Marie Children’s Aid Society ripping families apart

A small group of Justice advocates met today, September 01 2015 in front of the Sault Ste. Marie Ontario Courthouse located across The Children’s Aid Society’s building on Queen Street. The short appearance of the group came with a promise of …


Access the originating page here:

…………….. threw away our custody agreement?

This message is to notify you of an update on a specific brainsyntax posting you are following or the author invited you.The author or a subscriber to this page would like you to access or be aweare of the new content:

Every other weekend. Christmas on even years.Thanksgiving on odd years.30 day extended visitation in the summer.Spring break every other year.No moving out-of-state. 30 days notice with a job change or move.Child support. Child support review every 4 years.Insurance provision.Split copays.

We were exhausted after the first year of trying to follow along with each detail. Details that were somewhat standard and very general to accommodate a broad span of families. Details that were permanent and signed by a judge. Details that never changed, even when our lives did.

Following these instructions laid out for us made us tired, angry and confused.
We were tired of times and dates and who has her when and what time she needed to be where and on and on. We were angry because of expectations that seemed impossible. We couldn’t always get her by 6pm or drop her off by 8pm, life just doesn’t work like that and occasionally you’re late or early or can’t do it at all. We were confused because it’s a mess.

Have you seen a custody agreement? There’s such a division of time and dates that your calendar is so marker up it looks like a two-year old got ahold of it with box of markers.

Our custody agreement was stressing us out, making us miserable and was causing us to argue. It was crippling the need for us to figure out how to work together as a team.

So we threw it out.canlaw
Chunked it.
Shredded it into a million pieces.
Burned it at the stake.

We’ve never looked back, not once.


Instead of being controlling jerks, we decided to give each other some slack and truly stop to think about what was best for our little girl.

Our entire relationship changed after that. The dynamics of co-parenting made a positive switch and we became better parents and better friends. Our daughter became happier and we were all less stressed.

When we threw out the papers we communicated better and developed compassion and understanding towards each other.

We took the time to listen to each other and find out what worked in each of our families. We stepped outside the box and created our own custody agreement that basically say that she’s equally both of our daughter. If she’s with him or me, she’s with family and that’s what matters.

We decided to simply share in the joy of raising our little girl together and to see each others relationship with her as equally important as our own.

We decided to respect each other and each other’s spouses.

When it comes to holidays we just share our time with a huge dose of understanding and grace. We made a choice to not be married and with that we knew that neither of us would have our daughter full-time. For that reason we know that she won’t be with us for every holiday and we’ve learned to not only accept it but to be grateful that she is with the other part of her family getting loved on.

Canada001Prime Ministercbcw

Family Justice Dept. Canada

Members of Parliament Canada 

CBC News

As for child support and insurance, I have no idea what the original papers say. We settled on a child support amount 14 years ago and neither of us have mentioned it since. The person who provides insurance is the person who has the option for the best insurance, that might be him or that might be me. We just do it. We just insure her because she needs insurance. There’s no battle over who carries it or who’s paying more, we just do it. It’s for her and we need to provide, PERIOD. If he thinks about it he’ll he puts money in her school lunch account, if I think about it then I’ll do it. As long as she has lunch money I couldn’t care less which one of us put it in there. When she needs clothes, which ever one of us is in a position to take her shopping does it. They’re her clothes and as long as she has what she needs then I couldn’t care less who bought the clothes, him or me, who cares. My husband and I provide in every way that we can and he and his wife provide in every way they can. She benefits and she is taken care of. Bottom line, it’s all about her.

It’s far more complicated for us to constantly refer to papers drawn up by lawyers (lawyers who don’t know the heart of our family or our ever-changing needs) than it is to meet up or call each other and talk about the changes like adults. It feels good to have my ex husband call up on any given day, not an assigned day by a judge, and let me know he’s picking up our daughter for a dad night.  I can’t tell you what that does to our daughter’s self-esteem and self-confidence. I will say yes to that phone call every single time.

Our daughter isn’t a possession or a puppet. She’s not a pawn or weapon. She’s a little girl who never asked for divorced parents and she needs to feel equally important and cherished at both homes. She needs to see her parents love each other and work together as a team. She needs to see us give each other grace and mercy. She needs to know that broken things can be fixed, maybe not back to the way they were before but in a way that works and is healthy.

I’m not going to lie, it take a great deal of self-respect and respect for the other parent. It takes releasing the need to be in control of everyone and everything and it means that you won’t always have your way. It takes accepting your ex’s decisions in dating and/or marriage and realizing the importance of co-parenting in a healthy way with them as well.

Co-parenting this way means you’ll need to stock pile huge amounts of grace, forgiveness and mercy because you’re going to need a ton of each.

Throwing out the papers made us better people. It made us like each other again and took an unnecessary pressure off both of our shoulders. It made us better parents.

It might be easier said than done, I honestly don’t know because it was the best decision ,as parents of a broken home, that we could have ever made.  We love our daughter far more than any ill feeling we ever had towards each other and because of that we were able to rise above. Because of it our daughter has two stable homes with four parents that adore her and work together in her best interest at all times. Because of our decision to parent this way, our daughter has one big family full of love and abundant grace.

*Side note: I’m well aware that  this can’t always be the case and that sometimes the “other parent” is not healthy for the child. I’m talking about co-parenting situations that can be healthy and productive but have things standing in their way that don’t need to be. Just throwing that out there before the comments start coming in.


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