Emotional Incest

Parental Alienation

“Consider a scenario where mother is crying in her bedroom and her three year old toddles into the room. To the child it looks as if mom is dying. The child is terrified and says, “I love you mommy!” Mom looks at her child. Her eyes fill with love, and her face breaks into a smile. She says, ‘Oh honey, I love you so much. You are my wonderful little boy/girl. Come here and give mommy a hug. You make mommy feel so good.’ 

A touching scene? No. Emotional abuse! The child has just received the message that he/she has the power to save mommy’s life. That the child has power over, and therefore responsibility for, mommy’s feelings. This is emotional abuse, and sets up an emotionally incestuous relationship in which the child feels responsible for the parent’s emotional needs.

A healthy parent would explain to the child that it…

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When Parents Make Children Their Friend or Spouse

Parental Alienation

When my parents divorced, thirty years ago, my younger brother was the only one of the five kids who hadn’t gone of to college yet. As the “only child” at home, my mother leaned on him heavily and, as so many lonely parents do, she turned him in to her surrogate husband.

My brother spent the next three decades of his life anticipating and meeting my mother’s needs. He even went so far as to live next door to her so that he could be close enough to her if and when she called but have a sense of separation too. After all, he had a wife and daughter who needed him at home.

Making a child the stand in for the spouse you lost, be it through divorce or death, is not unusual. It happens all the time.

From a Family Systems perspective, this dynamic makes perfect sense. When…

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Tools for Recovery from Emotional Incest

Parental Alienation

Autobiography Exercise – write out or share with someone an abbreviated version of your life story. Instead of pushing down feelings, amplify them. This may feel very uncomfortable. May feel very vulnerable afterwards. Remember that feelings are your friends – they are there to guide you to a healthy life.

The key to emotional health is to break o your logjam of unprocessed emotions until the river runs free and clear.

o Be patient with blocked feelings. To unlock buried emotions, encourage them whenever they begin to surface. When you are in a safe place, try to amplify the feelings.

o If you tell your autobiography to a friend, they should not offer suggestions or interpret.

o See outline for autobiography on pate 144.

o Family Interview – to gain additional insight. See list of possible questions starting on page 150. 

Family Genogram or Political Map

o What would…

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Healthy Parenting

Parental Alienation

 Warning sign that you are enmeshed with YOUR child – you want them to spend more time at home when they should be gaining more independence.

1. Share information with your child only when it is in their best interest.

2. Keep your marriage problems between you and your spouse.

3. Turn to adults for emotional needs.

4. Reinforce your child’s unique qualities

5. Respect and encourage your child’s independence.

6. Encourage your child’s friendships with other children.

7. Give your child the safety and security of limits

8. Search for the positive qualities in each child.

9. Make your adults relationships apriority

10. Assure your children of your well-being.

Free your child from enmeshment – Realignment session  
Assure the child of your love  
State the facts. “I relied on you too heavily.”  
Share your feelings  
Share key information  
Absolve the child of guilt…

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Nationalist party gets 2nd seat in Swiss government after election win, pushes executive right

Peace and Freedom

GENEVA — The nationalist Swiss People’s Party has won a second seat in Switzerland’s seven-member government following an election victory in October, pushing the country’s executive a bit further right.

Lawmakers elected Guy Parmelin, one of three candidates proposed by the party, to the governing Federal Council Wednesday.

The government is a broad coalition of Switzerland’s main political forces, ranging from the anti-immigration Swiss People’s Party to the center-left Social Democrats.

A vacancy arose when outgoing Finance Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf announced her departure after October’s elections, which reinforced the status of the People’s Party as the biggest in parliament.

Widmer-Schlumpf was a moderate People’s Party member when elected to the government in 2007 against leaders’ wishes. She and her supporters were kicked out of the party and formed a new conservative group.

Guy Parmelin. Image by Keystone

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Patricia McKnight ~~ My Justice

FOR ALL DIRECT CHILD CARE WORKERS : Often it has been determined, now that we do focus on the traumatized child behaviors; it has been researched the MISDIAGNOSIS of ADHD showing a 40% increase in children 6 to 7 years old. However further research into the child’s home environment represents something much different –




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