Alison Roy, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, says:
“I see many varying degrees of children used as weapons but this is especially damaging. Sometimes, when an adult breaks down, the needy and psychologically unwell, demanding child can emerge.
“Unresolved traumas, losses and emptiness leave the parent behaving more like a difficult, wounded child – and their own children are used as a vehicle to punish the other parent. The wounded parent becomes what I would describe as “split” or polarised in terms of how people are viewed – similar to the way a young child might see the world, as full of goodies and baddies. Their need to convince others that their partner, ex-partner or a new partner is abusing their children takes precedence and becomes a way of revisiting their own unresolved rage and fear as a child.
“It can be hard for professionals to unpick what is happening, especially as all professionals working with children take allegations of abuse very seriously. In addition to this is the battle children can get caught up in, where their parents are collecting ‘evidence’ from their children against their partners/ex-partners in order to make a case in court for custody.
“What is devastating to the child is the role reversal and the impact on them of having to placate, care and manage conflict. Their view of the world as a safe place is contorted and they are left feeling that nothing makes sense and they have no idea who the real goodies and baddies are. Children with this perception of the world and adults (who should protect and support them) can grow up with the potential for personality disorders and ongoing damaged attachments, in which intimacy is challenging.”
read the full story HERE
So I thought I’d written enough about #pasabusers and how they operate, but it seems that some members of this particular family just cannot help themselves and have to post their vitriolic hate filled abuse online, then when it get’s a little bit hot they try to remove the post.
So once again I am going to post the unedited comments and a few others by#pasabusers and whilst I may be repeating myself at least they’re up there for ALL to see and read …… and that should include #JayMcKays solicitors who wrote to me recently telling me what a bad person I am and how we will never see our grandsons again and the reason I’m now getting lawyers letters to try to blame me for my actions on social media is because my grandsons will one day find this disgusting information online written about their mum and they’ll know she or we or they’re sisters NEVER LEFT THEM, FORGOT ABOUT THEM or STOPPED LOVING THEM…
It was interesting to see that your solicitors only picked out MY comments, including the letter to my grandson Archie about missing his 5th birthday, what a shame they felt it necessary to NOT choose any of the posts that #jaymckay #allanabruce #mairiscally #carolinecolville etc.etc have made.
I think that is what is commonly known as being ‘selective about the truth’.
These are comments made by the people who have the day to day care of my grandsons and whilst some of these comments refers to me many are about#joshandarchiemckaysmum…my daughter….and I find myself asking the question of who in their right minds posts comments like this about the mother of the stepchildren you’re supposed to loveand care so much for.
It’s nothing short of SICK and ABUSIVE …..
And feel free to send as many lawyers letters as you like, since I’m not breaking the law, not slandering anyone or defaming anyone or telling any lies because unlike you I can back everything up in black and white I will keep writing, I will keep posting and I will make sure those boys know every single thing you ever did or said in your attempts to alienate them.
Good luck proving these posts by your new relatives are all made up in court!
Thank you for your comments on the comment pages #mairiscally they won’t ever be published here on this website but they will be used when it comes to court hearings about my grandsons.
I will of course be adding further screen prints to this post so do not worry if I seem to have missed your particular post of the page. http://gnat.wtf/2015/07/active-parental-alienation/
At Family Psychology Solutions we often work with separated families where there has been conflict, hostility and difficulty maintaining relationships. Our counselling and therapeutic interventions are aimed at enabling you to adjust to life as a separated family. We work to acknowledge your individual differences and enable you to maintain healthy and supportive parent-child relationships. From time to time, we find some parents are quite resistant to the idea of family therapy – without having a good understanding of what is involved.
We begin with a compassionate approach, often meeting each person individually to try and develop a good understanding of the difficulties from their perspective. Therapy is not about “blame” – it is about understanding, education and commitment to change. As therapy progresses we see various groupings – mum and one child, dad and two children, all children together, one parent with all children, parent, step-parent and child. There is no set pattern – our interventions are based on the particular needs of your family. Sometimes we work towards the whole family being able to meet and work together; sometimes we accept that this is not possible at this moment in time.
Irrespective of the format we take and the details of the therapeutic interventions – our focus remains on the needs of the child or children, their current mental health, well-being and welfare and their future well-being, social and relationship functioning. The overwhelming evidence suggests that most children fare best when both parents maintain an active involvement in all aspects of their day-to-day life. If we feel parents would benefit from specific individual support for their needs, this can also be arranged.
To contact Family Therapy in the UK please click this link
Parental Alienation Study Group, Inc. (PASG), is an international, not-for-profit corporation. PASG has about 170 members – mostly mental health and legal professionals – from 32 countries. The members of PASG are interested in educating the general public, mental health clinicians, forensic practitioners, attorneys, and judges regarding parental alienation. PASG members are also interested in developing and promoting research on the causes, evaluation, and treatment of parental alienation. http://pasg.info/
Judgments which may prove useful to parents who believe their children to be being alienated from them. These include judgments which specifically relate to parental alienation, and those which involve wishes and feelings and intractable disputes.
Where in the public domain, full versions of the judgment can be read onscreen or downloaded in a PDF format for printing via link buttons. http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/pacaselawmenu.html
I am a reunited adult child. For thirty years of my life I was alienated from my mother. I am reunited now. As a result I am no longer wrestling with demons and ghosts. I was used by my father and his mother, to replace the girl child she had never given birth to. She took me and he let her, as compensation for that.
I was alienated from my mother in one single moment, in one single minute, in one single hour, of one single day. I recall it, relive it, remember it now. For thirty years I had no way of knowing what had done to me or why. All I knew was that anger and blame and something not right, severed my love for my mother and trust and belief. Looking back I see how the trigger was pulled and advantage was taken and I, as a trophy, was won. ‘One of us’ I heard them all say, and in from the cold and surrounded by safety and warmth, that’s how I felt, (for most of the time).
Cut out and cut off and in danger. At times a cold wind would howl through my bones as I glimpsed the reality of what I was facing. Some days the love that wound round my heart and the sense of belonging would fail me and leave me and show me the truth of what my life was. Though they claimed me as ‘theirs’ the truth was that I wasn’t. I had ears and eyes and noticed the things that I wasn’t supposed to be able to see. For the first decade apart from my mother, I found myself wandering in a parallel world, playing someone I was never been destined to be. Loss of love and of roots and of safety, I was living with people with secrets and lies in their lives.
In the second ten years apart from my mother I gave birth to my own child and found with a rush and a shock that my love and my memories came right to the surface and I battled confusion and shame and desire to put what was wrong back to rights. Each time I tried though the barriers set up by my mother’s frustration, resentment and blame put up walls that were too high to climb and too wide and to long to find a way round. I had hurt her and was hurt in return when I tried to repair, find a way, put things right. My grandmother soothed me with ‘see, I was right, she’s selfish and she doesn’t love you like I do, come away, leave things be, you are one of us now.’
The death of the alienator didn’t release me, it couldn’t, I had no-one else to hang on to. Instead I was drowned in a sea where the waves crashed relentlessly down. The feeling inside was that no-one had loved me, I’d been kidnapped and kept and had fallen in love with my captors who used me for their needs not mine, the love that they gave me was hollow, no substance left nothing to stand on when life gave me lemons. My grieving was complex and took over my life, something was wrong and I skirted round madness and pain as I tried to find something of me left inside.
Ten more years and I began the attempt to scale the wall of my mother’s hostility, a state that I now know as protection of self and of soul from the pain of the loss that she triggered with blame. Had I not been prepared as I had been, her words would have passed over and by me and whilst she was silly and selfish to do it, alienation would never have struck us had my mind not been altered by the stories they told me, things I should never have known. They laid a trap and she fell right into it. She blamed me and her counter rejection of me kept things frozen. After twenty five years though I tried and she tried and somehow a crack in the deep frozen feelings began to arise.
Looking back I can see that this crack in the deep frozen feelings was managed. My father, had plans and in need of a proxy to free him, he wooed me and soothed me and persuaded me back. When he left and the bomb that blew up our lives left us sitting in fragments of sorrow and pain, my mother and I, without anyone else to assist us, began the long and the painful, piecing together and we found, in the doing of that two significant things –
1. I was used by my father, his mother and father and all of those people on that side of the family, as a weapon. I had never been loved, not really, not truly. I was used, as part of a campaign of hatred that hid terror and fear and things in the background that put children at risk. That side of my family was rotten and hid it by shining a light on the other side brightly. In the shadows each player moved pawns that kept secrets and lies and abuse under wraps. I had lived in a horror house, not just me, there were others. Projection of blame and alienation was how they kept secrets untold through the years. My mother came too close to knowing.
2. The love that I felt for my mother didn’t die, it was wrapped in confusion and fear and in shame and in guilt. Her love for me didn’t die either, as our fear of each other began melting away we found things that we liked and things that we didn’t like, things that are similar and much that is different. But we both found perspective and balance and for me finally, someone who loved me because I was me existed again. The Kaleidescope pieces fell into place and my vision was clear. Three decades of questions and wondering, three decades of travelling a path that I never intended to take, thirty years of being used as a weapon and shield fell away. And the love for my mother came spiralling upwards, twisting round roots which were gnarled and misshapen but there all the same to be smoothed out and polished and practiced and given again.
Thirty eight years ago I was taken, kidnapped in my mind and forced down a life path that never was mine. Now I am back on the path that I always intended to take and my mind and my heart and my soul are recovering, I am healthy and well, my perspective is good and my grieving is over.
Alienation hides fear and a deeply distorted reality and living it hurts and corrodes, it is damaging, exhausting and frightening.
When they come looking, your children need you to be healthy and well and willing to open your arms. However they hurt you, I beg you, whenever they come, open your arms and welcome them home. Their journey is hard and their lives are fragmented and their minds, so distorted and fractured and hurt are in need of one person who is healthy and well, with love in their heart, to sit with them. They didn’t mean it, they never stopped loving you, they were forced on a path that was not theirs to take. Guide them home, dress their wounds, help them heal, give them peace and your love.
Without that I wouldn’t be here. https://karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2014/11/06/i-am-a-reunited-adult-child/
Originally posted on rmreynoldsblog:
Parental Alienation, continued
The following information is from Lorandos Joshi Trial Lawyers, a Michigan website which you can find by googling parental alienation:
WHY YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT PARENTAL ALIENATION
If you’re a parent involved in a custody or visitation dispute and you think the other parent might be cutting you out of your child’s life, you should consider the possible effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome on your children. Scientific research explains that PAS can have profound and long-lasting effects. After reviewing 700 cases of family counseling, mediation, and forensic evaluation, Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin (1991) published their research through the American Bar Association. They described the parental conduct they observed as brainwashing and titled their work Children Held Hostage. In their 2013 follow up of more than a thousand cases again published by the ABA, Clawar and Rivlin (2013) provided an updated list of the most common…
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Originally posted on Eyes on Europe & Middle East News:
After five weeks of closure, the Athens Stock Exchange reopened on Monday and immediately the trend went sharply down . Investors do not believe that a recovery of the Greek economy could occur soon .
Greece’s stock market reopened after five weeks to the most savage wave of selling in decades, underlining a crisis that’s crippled the economy and pushed the country’s euro membership to the brink.
Banks led the plunge following the shutdown, which was due to capital controls to prevent the lenders from bleeding more deposits. Piraeus Bank SA and National Bank of Greece SA sank 30 percent, the daily maximum allowed by the Athens Stock Exchange. The benchmark ASE Index dropped 16 percent on Monday after sliding as much as 23 percent.
Analysts said stock prices could begin to recover in the weeks to come, bringing much-needed capital into the country, as investors with an appetite for…
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Originally posted on Researching Reform:
At Researching Reform, we would say significant damage to a child’s healthy development at best, and at worst, the loss of that child’s life.
Important case studies presented at a 2003 conference held by the Australian Institute of Criminology highlight the very real problems inside family courts which use similar models to our own.
In the first case study, a mother tells the story of how she abducted her young daughter to protect her from a then absent father who had been convicted of child sexual abuse. He returned out of spite to obtain custody of their daughter, and the daughter has since complained of being routinely abused by her father. But no one is listening.
The second case study, which is added below, is written by the daughter and tells the story of her family history, from her perspective.
These cases highlight how justice systems fail families and children…
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